Happy Hunting

This morning I am feeling fine. One of my dearest friends just had a cute cuddly baby girl a few days ago, another old friend is getting an ultrasound to find out her baby's sex, and a friend from church had her baby yesterday. It seems I am just caught in that age, the age of babies. I remember when my husband and I first started trying to conceive I had 19 friends/family members pregnant. 19! I felt like I was in a petting zoo and was the only guest not allowed to touch the animals.I felt as if God was trying to rub my face in my infertility. 

This year has shown good times, hard times, sad times, and angry times. One of the most incredible things that women who struggle with infertility go through are the physical and mental symptoms brought on by the strain and trauma of trying to conceive with no result. The following is a list of things I have noticed about myself throughout the past year:


Physical- 
Let's see, well the biggest one is my gain of 20 lbs. I contribute this to all those sad days when a bagel and cream cheese was the only consolation I could find. Or how about the complete lack of desire to workout. At first I worked my body out hard, as I have done my entire life, sure to keep myself healthy just in case I wound up with a little peanut inside me! Then as month after month of "failure" hit me I quickly lost all desire to exercise. 
Next I would have to list the knots in my back,neck, shoulders. I attribute these to the intense amount of stress a woman undergoes when attempting to conceive. Because every week brings a new schedule for sex, positioning, testing, and so on; you cannot help but feel dizzy and strained. 
Thirdly I will note my sudden terrible acne problem. It is incredible the acne issue I have developed in the past year. No it is not as bad as it could be, in fact someone with diagnosed acne problems would most likely laugh at me for saying I have acne, but I certainly notice it!
Lastly, and perhaps most strange, is the odd months in which my body is signaling that I am pregnant when I am not. This sounds very odd and it is. A few months ago I had morning sickness, my breasts were tender, I was dizzy and uncomfortable, I had slight congestion, and to top it all off my period was over a week late! I kept testing to see if this was my lucky month! My husband was convinced that this was our moment. But...no. The entire experience was very strange. It was as if I had mentally convinced my body to act pregnant because that is what I wanted. 


Physically we go through a lot when experiencing this tremendous obstacle, it is a wonder that we are not completely unhealthy in every way. 
Next post I am going to talk about the mental challenges that I have experienced, and that you have too, throughout this year. And next post you can find out why I am naming these two "Happy Hunting". :)
~Manifesto